Nurse manager looks back on coming out in a hospitalwide email.
Gilbert Gonzalez’s face lights up when he describes what it’s been like since he came out as a gay man to all of Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas in a Diversity Action Team email during Pride Month last year.
“I can be my authentic self,” says Gonzalez, B.S.N., R.N., nurse manager, Acute Medical Services, Main 4 West and Medically Complex Unit. “Being able to work in a place where you can be yourself, feel comfortable, feel accepted — and knowing people are making an attempt to change — is so refreshing. It’s awesome.”
Gonzales says his first reaction when his two-slide presentation hit more than 3,000 inboxes was, “Whew! I can breathe.” But at the same time, he felt a wave of fear and uncertainty about how people would react.
“Even though it’s 2023, there still are people who don’t accept people being different,” he says.
But supportive emails started coming in. And as it turned out, the feeling of freedom overrode everything else.
To anyone considering coming out, Gonzalez says: “I definitely wouldn’t advise anyone to come out if they weren’t ready. I would ask them to just try to be their authentic self. People aren’t going to be happy with everything, obviously — but for me, I had to think about what made me happy.”
Gonzalez says he decided to share his story hospital wide after being asked by Sonya Manibusan, director of volunteer and guest services and hospital Diversity Action Team chair.
“We feature staff during cultural awareness months as part of the ‘THD DAT My Story’ effort,” she explains. “Each staff member has a story to tell and the act of sharing their stories builds inclusivity.”
Gonzalez has always been openly gay in his personal life, living in a happy household made up of his husband, Gonzalez’s twin sister and younger brother.
But just a few people knew his orientation after nearly 22 years at Texas Health Dallas.
“Obviously you forge relationships, become friends with people,” he says. “Some people knew, but I had gone from mother-baby to the Emergency Department — the ED is its own little world.”
Gonzalez was 23 when he was hired as a unit secretary and started work Dec. 17, 2001, the only man in the mother-baby unit.
After working in the unit 7 1/2 years and completing nursing school using Texas Health Tuition Reimbursement, Gonzalez started in the ED as a graduate nurse. He was an ED nurse for 12 1/2 years before moving to med-surg.
“To know Gilbert (affectionately, ‘GG’) is to love him,” says Josh Tippy, M.S.N., R.N., NE-BC, nursing director of Acute Medical Services. “His charismatic leadership is second only to his integrity and kindness — he seeks to lead with heart and compassion. Gilbert is also a hard worker, outcomes-driven and a high performer. Texas Health Dallas is better because we have brave humans who live from their authenticity.
“Speaking on behalf of myself and my team, we wouldn’t be quite as excellent without him. I’m grateful God provided this intersection of lives.”
Growing up in Lufkin
Gonzalez grew up in the small East Texas city of Lufkin, the son of Mexican immigrant parents.
He knew he was gay beginning in the fourth grade “when I had a crush on a guy.”
Gonzalez says he didn’t have to deal with bullying and ridicule at school. “I went to kindergarten with the exact same people all the way through graduation,” which helped foster acceptance.
He remembers scheming in high school to get his best friends on top of a building, where he planned to come out to them. “They were like, ‘You brought us all the way up here for this? We knew,’” he says with a laugh.
In addition to the siblings he lives with, Gonzalez grew up with his older sister, and two older brothers “who were macho men.”
His father also was “a tough man,” Gonzalez says. “They were never ugly or mean to me, but Dad would say, ‘Don’t sit like that, don’t use your hands like that, don’t talk like that.’”
He didn’t come out to his parents while he was growing up. “My hetero siblings didn’t come out to my parents as straight,” he says, “Why would I come out as gay?”
‘I love you no matter what’
Gonzalez also decided “to never bring a guy home unless I knew he was the one. And I did just that. I met my now-husband, went home and told my parents I’m in love, I want to get married and it’s with a man.”
He was 40 and worried about their reaction.
“You still have that fear because these are your parents, they have huge expectations for you. I got emotional and Dad said, ‘Why are you crying?’ I said, ‘I don’t want to disappoint you guys and make you feel I’m not worthy.’”
The response: “I don’t care. We don’t care. You’re my son and I love you no matter what.”
Their support gave him strength when it came to sharing his story at work.
“Now?” he said. “Bring it on. I’m 44 years old. My parents know! Who cares?”
